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The answer to yesterday's "More Dirty Minds" was a WATER PICK. Here are the clues for today:
- The deeper I penetrate, the more it hurts.
- You have to squeeze me to get me out.
- If I'm too big, I can cause bleeding.
As always, THINK CLEANLY and HAPPY GUESSING! xD
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[YOU] KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS...
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I think both has succeeding in making it painfully excrutiating.
Who knew talk could be so expensive! |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 12:19 AM by CaKaLusa - delete - block user |
Lol, like with your cell phone... Talk ain't cheap O_O
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pha! i enjoyed jury duty granted i had to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to get my ass there by 7:30...but i left by 9:30 cuz i was excused! i was paid like 25 bucks an hour because i got a check for like 50 bucks almost just for the two hours i was there filling out forms and sitting... |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 1:16 AM by allineedisu - delete - block user |
With my hours being cut at work, that actually doesn't sound that bad...
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Oh man, getting fined for words? Good thing it doesn't happen in America... or else I'd be in big trouble 
MOUTHWASH! |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 5:38 AM by HellScorpion - delete - block user |
Sorry
Joanna, the answer was NOT mouthwash
I'd be in hella trouble too if that were the case here too
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Hey, Eric....I am going to kick your arse!!!
-:that very second, some random being throws a bill through my window as a fine:
hahaha, meow... |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 10:27 AM by freekieEEE - delete - block user |
Haha, not
my problem
Kelly. Next time you should think before speaking
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oh my gawed thats so awesome, i got a shout out! woah way kool!  |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 11:36 AM by chica_baby89 - delete - block user |
Why
Marie, all of my commentors get shoutouts
!
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i hope the case is interesting, at least for your sake. |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 3:46 PM by muntedkowhai - delete - block user |
Me too. Or better yet, I hope I get excused, so then I'll get to wait a full year before worrying about being called in again. =X
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you got declined?!??! the hell for? being chinese??!?! rasict motherfuckers |
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Posted 7/10/2004 at 7:49 PM by jennyfr0mdabl0ck - delete - block user |
No
jenny.... I just have to call back in on monday night, and hopefully they'll tell me to call in tuesday night, and hopefully the answering service tells me to call in wednesday night..
...and i think you get the point. But anyways, I would ratehr be on phone standby up til thursday instead of being called in.
Something Different for today..
A newspaper article that I read that I was able to find on their website. This is information for my fellow San Franciscians [or those that try to find parking in this ole city] . Even if you're not, if you're bored I highly recommend you read this as well, since I thought that this piece was written very nicely with lots of humor. Enjoy
WHY I LOVE THE "SF WEEKLY"...
Don't Park There
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The Unwritten Rules of Parking in San Francisco |
A DOG BITES INVESTIGATION BY DAN SIEGLER AND RACHEL QUINN
feedback@sfweekly.com |
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Anyone who's spent more than an hour in San Francisco is painfully familiar with our city's schizophrenic parking laws. There are two sets of parking rules in this town: the formal regulations found on the books, and the informal regulations that the meter maids go by. It's these mysterious, informal regulations that count. These are generally not set in writing, but begin as verbal guidelines passed down from the Department of Parking and Traffic hierarchy to the meter maids, or as standards of practice that develop organically on the street. Can you park in a street-cleaning spot after the street-cleaning trucks have passed? Will you be ticketed if you're only a teensy bit into the red zone? Will you be towed for parking in front of a fire hydrant? Out of an overwhelming sense of civic duty and self-sacrifice, Dog Bites decided to divine the secrets of San Francisco's unwritten rules of parking. Oh, and we also ran up quite a tab with the DPT.
We spent the better part of two months interviewing meter maids, which meant running around the city chasing stupid little golf carts. (This proved more difficult than anticipated; the moment you get within reach, they zip away, leading us to wonder if meter maids are trained by Muni drivers.) We also chatted up meter maid supervisors, DPT officials, and San Franciscans with significant parking-related insights. We found that a general consensus does exist for the unwritten rules -- and by keeping our handy guide tacked to your dashboard, you can greatly improve your parking karma.
But first, a few basics.
Despite the sexed-up stories you occasionally hear, meter maids do not have "quotas." Nor are meter maids under orders to seek out borderline, "Mickey Mouse"- type offenses to fill the city's coffers. In fact, it's just the opposite. On a typical day in San Francisco, about 6,000 tickets are issued and 220 cars are towed -- and these numbers should be much higher.
There are so many parking offenses at any given moment in this city that meter maids can't keep up. When we asked meter maids if it's difficult to find violators, they simply laughed. ("Just open your eyes," was a popular response.) Although numbers are hard to come by, San Francisco has about 150,000 fewer on-street parking spots than registered vehicles. The quota rumor was born out of the DPT's attempts to get a few slacker meter maids off their butts and back to work. Whether you want to call it a "parking violator surplus" or a "meter maid shortage," the situation forces parking officials to be selective about which offenses they ticket and which they ignore.
Be thankful you've got Dog Bites to tell you which is which.
The second thing you need to know: "Complaints" are king. A complaint is when some upstanding citizen (or dickhead, depending on your viewpoint) calls in a violation to the DPT. For day-to-day enforcement, meter maids give some latitude. But when it comes to complaints, the law is scrupulously applied, and the unwritten rules go out the window. Which means you should honor thy neighbor. Or do a damn good job of faking it.
Finally, we'd like to make a statement that's bound to be controversial: Meter maids are nice. Sure, there are a few who are psychotic assholes from hell. But we were pleasantly surprised to find that, when it's not your car they're ticketing, the majority of meter maids are quite amiable, fair-minded, and, above all, patient. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute: You spend 40 hours a week surrounded by people who hate you, caught in the middle of a war between DPT management and the general public. And you do all this in a golf cart, when what you really need is a tank. Yes, some meter maids are mean, or slightly bonkers. ("Shellshocked" might be the better word.) But that's to be expected in a profession in which every human being you encounter, whether it's in the office or on the streets, wants to slug you. Think about it.
And now for an important disclaimer: (Y ahora para una denegación importante 
Please (please!) remember that although Dog Bites found a high degree of consensus regarding these unwritten rules, that doesn't mean they're followed 100 percent of the time by 100 percent of meter maids. We did run all of them past a DPT spokesperson, who kindly told us she could only vouch for the laws on the books. It's unlikely you'll see many exceptions to our rules, but it's bound to happen eventually. So if you get a ticket, don't go siccing your attorney on us, OK?
On a particularly interesting day of our adventure, we talked to a meter maid about the subject of modestly priced tickets: If you need to break the law, which violations are the cheapest? To our surprise, she told us that fire hydrants are on the low end of the scale, at $50. Could that be right? We had assumed that fire hydrant violations were serious, and fell into the category of unauthorized use of a disabled placard ($500), parking in a disabled spot ($275), or parking in a bus stop ($250). Maybe the big money flows for the tow? Well, the law says you can be towed, she said, but usually meter maids are too busy towing for "higher-priority" violations, such as blocked driveways. The only time you'll get towed for parking at a fire hydrant is if it's called in as a complaint -- and only if the caller specifically requests that you be towed, which is a rare occurrence.
We polled at least a dozen other meter maids and meter maid supervisors, and they all said the same thing. Hmmm. This might explain why parking in front of fire hydrants is such an epidemic in San Francisco. The ticket's half the price of parking on the sidewalk, and the practice is also less risky, since people are more apt to call in sidewalk violations. "This isn't a damn parking lot," a homeowner might say to himself, but he hardly ever thinks, "Better get that guy in front of the hydrant ticketed and towed in case there's a fire." |
We visited some firehouses, and as you'd expect, the firefighters are pretty mad about this. "The way the fees are set up, people are encouraged to park at hydrants," one firefighter told us. "People don't think about that kind of stuff, but let me tell you, when there's a fire, it's serious. Even if you're not completely blocking the hydrant, obstructing it can cause a minute or two delay, which is a matter of life and death in this business."
So this unwritten rule is also a prediction: Unless the fee structure and DPT enforcement practices change, parking at fire hydrants will continue to increase in San Francisco. And one day, the city's going to get burned.
Holidays
You are exempt from many parking regulations on DPT-recognized holidays. What the hell is a DPT-recognized holiday, you ask -- Yom Kippur?
Street Cleaning and Residential Permits: New Year's Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Day.
Meters: New Year's Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day.
Fine Print: There is no such thing as a holiday at Fisherman's Wharf or along certain sections of the Embarcadero. "Hazards" are ticketed 365 days a year.
So You Got a Ticket. Now What?
"Tear-Up" Policy
There is a wonderful civic policy, sometimes called the "tear-up" policy, that mandates that meter maids must shred the ticket if you arrive back at your vehicle while they are writing it. Unfortunately, San Francisco does not have such a policy. Doh! (In 1999, then-Supervisor Gavin Newsom unsuccessfully pushed the idea.) But all hope is not lost. Until the ticket's finalized in the meter maid's little hand-held computer, you just might be able to connive your way out of it.
Seven Tips to Talk Your Way Out of a Ticket
Surely you've had the experience of returning to your vehicle to find yourself eye to eye with a meter maid who's in the process of ruining your day. Rather than hit him or her upside the head with your purse, why not try to talk your way out of it? Yeah, it's a long shot, but with some charm and a little luck you just might beat the rap. Here are some tips:
1) Don't call them meter maids. They hate that. The formal title is parking control officer, so use the term "Officer."
2) It's tempting to try to threaten or intimidate a meter maid into voiding your ticket. After all, a meter maid is a bigger pussy than a U.N. peacekeeper, right? Wrong. They are tougher than they look, and besides, they carry Mace. Your only hope is to play nice.
3) Try flirting. Yeah, yeah, we know. You'll be damned if you're going to bat your eyelashes at a civil servant in a Mighty Mouse helmet. But when you consider that the average ticket runs $35 -- the price of an entree at Jardinière -- it might be worth the humiliation.
4) If you're in the wrong, apologize. And unlike a G.W. Bush apology, actually say the words, "I'm sorry."
5) Be human. It's OK to admit that you made a mistake, that you're having a bad day, that you have a migraine, or that you haven't gotten any action in six months. Meter maids are people, too, and you want them to sympathize with you.
6) Don't claim to know the law better than they do. (Even if you do.)
7) If you have an excuse, use it. Otherwise, a good honest lie will have to suffice. An urgent matter involving a child is best. But make it believable, because a street-smart meter maid isn't going to buy some line about having to "run up for just a second to give my nephew an emergency tracheotomy."
Towing
We have two pieces of good news to report about towing. First, the evil company City Tow has been run out of town after a slew of complaints and scandals. A new group, the ingeniously named AutoReturn, has now taken charge. It's too soon to know what the company is like, but there's no way in hell it could be worse than City Tow.
Second, San Francisco has a "stop that tow" policy. If you show up as your vehicle is being towed, and the truck has not yet entered the lane of traffic, the meter maid must stop the tow and unhook your car. You'll still get the ticket, but you're safe from the massive expense, hassle, and fender damage that come with being towed. Note: DPT management is very focused on the phrase "not yet entered the lane of traffic." The DPT claims that for certain areas of the city, such as commute-hour tow-away zones, your vehicle already is in the lane of traffic, so you can't stop the tow. However, we couldn't find any meter maids who were quite so anal about this. The policy on the street says if the truck hasn't pulled away, you get your car back.
Common-Fucking-Sense Rules
It's outrageous that we even have to waste space on this.
1) When parking, don't take two spaces. If there's a big stretch of curb, pull all the way up into the space. There are other people who need to find parking, too, if you haven't noticed.
2) If you're about to parallel park and are waiting for a car to leave, wait behind it with your turn signal on. After it pulls out, move your car up and back into the space. This was common fucking sense even before the 1992 Seinfeld episode.
3) It's OK if someone's car is touching your bumper. Relax. It's not your dick. It's a bumper.
4) If you have a driveway, don't park in the street. If you don't have a driveway, don't park in someone else's. Need we draw you a diagram?
5) Following someone to his car, block after block, so you can take his spot is creepier than thinking of the Olsen twins as sex objects. Cut it out.
6) Don't park in the middle of the fucking street on Valencia, Guerrero, and Dolores on Sundays. Oh, you're in church? Right ....
7) Small zippy imports find spaces. Big American clunkers do not. Any questions?
8) Most of the tickets you get are your fault, and you know it.
9) You're an asshole beyond belief if you try to save a space for your friend by standing in it. We hope you get run over.
10) There's only so much bitching you are permitted on this parking thing. Cars are for suburbs, not cities. If you can't handle it, sell your stupid clunker and take Muni. Or, better yet, move to Colma.
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Ah, those some great lists, no?
Anyways, be back tomorrow with a real post, with real crap, and really "predated" to 11:59PM! DON'T MISS IT! <sarcasm>
anyways...
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Enough of my craziness [or, rather the writers of SF Weekly that I hella plagerized from them. =X].
Til tomorrow...
LATERS GATORS!
=^..^=
. I knew the answer was champagne but i guess someone got the answer before me... too bad.
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