August 28, 2004

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  The answer to yesterday’s “More Dirty Minds” was a SKI LIFT.  Here are the clues for today:

  
  

  
  
  1. Once you’re inside me, you fall asleep.
     
  2. I can take all of you inside of me.
     
  3. You usually lay me before you come inside of me.

  
  

  As always, THINK CLEANLY and HAPPY GUESSING! xD
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  DAMN, I WANT ONE OF THOSE!!

  
  

  Free Oompa Loompas – As Is

  
  

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  Reply to: anon-37212544@craigslist.org Date: Fri Jul 23 07:24:07 2004 To our customers: Due to the increasing modernization of Wonka Industries, Ltd., we are phasing out our workforce of Oompa Loompas. They are being replaced with new sterilized robots that will not pilfer copious amounts of sugar, crap in the Chocolate River, or try to organize a union to get “paid.” Their surliness will not be missed. We have 19 Oompa Loompas available in varying sizes from 36″ to 48″ tall. They are all pretty much the same color (sallow orange) and come with Wonka Industries, Ltd., coveralls (I really don’t want the clothes that they have been wearing for so long back, thanks). If you are interested in acquiring an Oompa Loompa (and I know you are, Veruca) please send an email with the number of Oompa Loompas you wish and we will let you know when they will be available. You will need to come to the factory to pick them up. As stated in the subject line, all Oompa Loompas are as is. We do not accept returns, so you must be certain you really want an Oompa Loompa. Be prepared to buy lots of sugar and cigarettes – the mainstays of the Oompa Loompa diet. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, Mr. Willy Wonka Wonka Industries, Ltd. Wonkaville It is NOT ok for others to contact me about other Oompa Loompas! this is in or around Wonkaville it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  
  

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  Copyright © 2004 craigslist
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  FREE FREE FREE!!

  
  

  5 FREE slices of cheese pizza (GONE)

  
  

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  Reply to: see below Date: Mon Jul 19 18:18:56 2004 That’s right — FREE pizza. Now you might think this is a bit strange, so an explanation is called for. My mom came home with a large cheese pizza at about 6:30 pm. The pizza is generic “house of pizza” style pizza, which is really not my thing (too greasy for me). There’s not much else to eat in my house right now, and after all she DID bring it home for me, so i ate three slices. My mom doesn’t like leftover pizza, i’m more of a papa gino’s girl myself, and my brother doesn’t like this kind of pizza either. My dad who has diabetes is on a diet but has little self-control. He will probably eat the pizza if it remains in the fridge. I WANT THIS PIZZA OUT OF MY HOUSE! it would be a shame to throw it away, and there are starving people all over the world, so i want you to take it off my hands. here are the TERMS of the FREE 5 slices of cheese pizza: This pizza is from TONIGHT, but will not be hot when received. It’s up to you to either eat it cold or re-heat. By agreeing to take this pizza, you also agree to take the box it comes in, and accept all responsibility of anything that may happen to you as a result of eating the pizza. I haven’t poisoned it, i’m not sick from eating it, and i don’t think it’s cursed….but i’m just saying. If it stains your clothes or gets you fired from work..too bad. I’m not guaranteeing a particular time i’ll be there with the pizza. It will probably be around 11, though. And of course, since you are receiving this pizza free of charge, I have the right to refuse delivery of pizza for any reason. This is great for MUNCHIES or POOR COLLEGE STUDENTS. Email me with your address and i’ll let you know that i’m coming. this is in or around delivery within 10 mi. of Brighton, maybe farther it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  
  

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  Copyright © 2004 craigslist
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  OH PENIS CHRIST!

  
  

  I have an image of Jesus on my penis

  
  

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  Reply to: anon-36528592@craigslist.org Date: Fri Jul 16 00:33:40 2004 It’s not a tattoo or anything I have deliberately done: I thought it was a little dirt or grime at first, but some soapy water and a brillo pad quickly disproved that theory, and there He was, smiling beatifically at me from just below my glans penis. My girlfriend is a devout Christian, who, when she first saw this apparition, dropped to her knees, exclaiming, ” Jesus Christ”, which I at first arrogantly misinterpreted as an exaggerated compliment on my manhood. Needless to say, I was more than a little disappointed to learn the true reason for her impulsive ejaculation. She has now taken to worshiping daily at this makeshift “shrine”, which is OK, I suppose, but she no longer wants to have sex with me for fear of offending the real Jesus. She even brought her entire womens’ church group over, it was really embarrassing having all these women kneeling and praying to the Jesus on my johnson (but also somewhat uplifting). One of the younger women, “Mary M” became rather hysterical, saying she needed to take Jesus into her heart, screaming; ” Jesus is risen; my rod and staff, they comfort me” and something unintelligible about a burning bush and the holy of holies, and how the Bible tells us we must embrace the Lord, and then she started grabbing at me in an extremely non-ecclesiastical manner. I realized she was speaking literally, or possibly about to speak in tongues, but before I could learn more about this intriguing phenomenon, my girfriend gently pulled her away and sent her home to meditate more deeply on the true symbolism of the cross. This was disappointing, as I was hoping for a chance later on to privately pump “Mary” for more information on the deeper meaning of her mystical statements. Now I’m a very private person, no pun intended, and I’m not at all comfortable with being the center of all this attention, some insensitive crazies have even started calling me “Penis Christ”, or “Jesus F. Christ” which is both embarrassing and blasphemous to the believers, and it’s all nothing that I have done deliberately, it’s just a fuzzy looking picture of the Saviour on my most private part. If anyone can offer help please do so: the crowds outside the house get bigger every day. It seemed like fun at first to have my penis adored by so many, but the novelty has quickly worn off, the front yard is trampled to all hell and full of garbage and religious tracts, and fucking Pat Robertson calls me every day asking me to put my dick on the phone. I welcome any suggestions or advice that will help me come to grips with this issue. And “Mary”, if you’re reading this, I’m free next Thursday, and I’m eager to penetrate more deeply into your beliefs regarding the second coming of the Messiah this is in or around Just below the knobbly bit it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  
  

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  Copyright © 2004 craigslist
  

  
  

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  yes, i realize this entry was quite a quickie post.  Was browsing craigslist cuz i was bored so i just decided to post a few of the articles that i found to be halarious.

  
  

  anyways…
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  enough of my craziness.. til tomorrow
  LATERS GATORS!

  • 2:57 am
  • 13 Comments